
Yesses and Nos in the Body
I've been lately teaching a lot about the Wheel of Consent, and it's been really a wonderful experience. And one thing that has felt important for me to teach, and keep reminding myself of, is how we can feel our "yesses" and "nos" in our bodies. How the felt sense of whether we want something, or are willing to do something, or not willing is such an important skill to develop noticing.
I remember the moment when I finally realized how important it was. A friend of mine asked something of me, and I felt an instant contraction in my body. But I loved this friend, and wanted to do this thing for them, and also was afraid of saying no. I did the thing, and later really regretted doing it. And I remembered that contraction, and realized that I needed to listen to my body - it had wisdom to share with me.
Similarly, getting in touch with our embodied sense of our desires - what we want to do, or what we want from other people, is really helpful. Just a while ago, I was sitting outside in the sun, and feeling the warmth on my body. And although I had so much to do today, I decided to spend some time allowing myself to be warmed by the sun, and just enjoy the feeling for a while before hurrying back into the house to accomplish stuff. It turns out, I ended up more grounded, more energized, and will probably accomplish just as much or more than if I'd cut that short, and hurried to do my tasks.
So many of us, me included, spent a lot of our lives, for a variety of reasons, cutting off our bodies - not paying attention to its messages. But there is so much for our bodies to teach us, and to tell us about what kinds of things work for us. So it's up to us to learn how to listen.
In the Wheel of Consent there is a concept I love, called "Notice, Trust, Value, and Communicate." It's about noticing what we want (or don't want,) trusting ourselves and our knowing, valuing ourselves and what we want, then communicating that. It is such a useful concept.
If you're interested in the Wheel of Consent, I'll be teaching some 1 hour teasers with my friend and collegue Sasha Lasdon starting in April. Check my workshops page for registration info.