Notice, Trust, Value, Communicate

One of the most important concepts of the Wheel of Consent is that choice is central - choosing is more important than doing. Sometimes, even if we're in a situation without a lot of choice, our awareness of our wants and limits can help us make better decisions for ourselves.

The first step is just the noticing. We often don't allow ourselves to notice, especially our wants. This is where The Wheel overlaps with my Buddhist practice - I practice noticing, and it's good to extend this to noticing my desires, and my limits - things I'm not willing to do. A lot of times, it's noticing my body's reaction to things, and realizing, "oh, my body is telling me about a limit I have."

The second step is trusting. Trusting that it's accurate. Your logical, conscious mind might be making all sorts of excuses, but this noticing came from somewhere - it's important to trust it.

The next step is valuing it. Your needs and limits matter. It doesn't actually matter whether or not you tell anyone what your desire (or limit) is. It is still valuable, you are still worthy of having this desire (or limit).

And, if you choose, then, communicate that desire or limit. Learn to find ways to make requests, or to say "no", and/or to negotiate when you notice you have some confusion or lack of clarity.

This process of noticing, trusting, valuing and communicating is a really powerful one, whether it be around romantic relationships, work relationships, family, or friendships.

To learn more, check out my workshops page It's likely I'm teaching a course on the Wheel sometime soon.